Monday, February 11, 2013

Sweet Tooth



      "I'm looking down every alley. I'm making those desperate calls."  -Ke$ha
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                  Every now an then I like to believe that 'we' as humans have temporary moments of weakness. These times are often spontaneous, by luck, or dare I say...libido.  
                           When do these moments occur most often? Is it when you pass the vending machine and you think to yourself " I really don't neeeeeddd it, but I want it. I've worked hard lately. I have the money for it. Well, why shouldn't I get it? I deserve to treat myself every now and again!" Before you know it that peanut butter Twix is nestled in your hands and a few minutes later you will completely forget the inner battle you just had with yourself. 




                                     Or... is it when you really want to start that new health trend that you've been trying to pitch to yourself and everyone around you for like the past year. Hopefully talking about change will help you to make that change or encourage you in some way to be that change. 



" Today... I'm going to take a few laps around the walking track." 

        " I'm starting to monitor all of the junk I've been putting in my body! OMG you should totally try it! It's only been a day and I feel soooo much more aware. Lets raise awareness!!"





                                                        Most don't mind admitting to the crippling candy bar or the "Well... I didn't make it to the track today. Things got kinda crazy at work. You understand, right?"
                                                                What about sexual urges? Why the taboo? is that random booty call that you talk to like once every month really any different that that Twix? Maybe it's because that twix doesn't try to pretend that meeting up every once in awhile makes you friends. 

         That reuniting encounter always has that awkward "I feel like we should know more about each other while we're doing this to make us feel better, but we really don't give a fuck... but we should pretend."  Pretending to care about what is going on in each others lives doesn't change that fact that its happening. lol. I'm so amused when girls try to do that.  

         " So.. are you still in the ARMY? How's work treating you?"   
                         "Are you still getting your cosmetology degree? You'll go so far with that..:/ you can work anywhere."   Did i really just fking say that.... this is sad.


                  Bitch please... let's call a spade a spade. We know what this is. 
                                 

                                  With Valentines Day coming up it will be easier to land face first into that Twix or that 'friend'.  And ya know what? I think that is O.K. as long as you're aware that they are 'moments' and when the 'moments' happen just a little to close to one another they form a lifestyle.

                    Just don't be about that life.. lol 



 
                                                 
 
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Monday, February 4, 2013

The Dina Lohan Six Day Arm-N-Hammer Cat Food Binge Diet

         Dina Lohan has developed a step by step guide for those who struggle with weight and self-esteem issues. Using simple techniques and remarkable dieting tips, you too, can look and feel like a Lohan. When starting this new and exciting Journey down Lohan Lane, you need to keep in mind that this diet will evoke emotional and spiritual trauma. If you have the motivation and dedication to stick to this diet, just like those parm-bread bites you ate all weekend are sticking to those thighs, you CAN do this!

         What will I need?? Well, the beauty behind this breakthrough in the dieting world is the simplicity and availability of all the ingredients. For six days your diet will consist of a fine white Arm-N-Hammer Baking Soda and a smooth rich Fancy Feast. Studies are starting to show that these ingredients alone are scientifically proven to deliver your body the fierce kitty Lohan experience. "Peoplez" magazine recently reported that Paris Hilton (Pear-Bear) started the Dina Lohan experience just last week and the results were jaw dropping.




 After two trips to the E.R. and six staples in her tummy, Pear-Bear is skinner than ever! Thanks to the Dina Lohan Cat Food Binge Diet, no doubt!!

 "OMG!! THIS SHIT IS SO DELISH. Dina was soooo right."

        What if I get thirsty?? Your body can go like 3 days without water or something...Suck it up lard ass it's only 6 days! After you're 3 days in you're halfway there! Yayyyyyyy! All you need to do is sip the liquid off the top of the Fancy Feast can before every one a day portion. if you place your cans outside, hopefully the week you start the diet the forecast called for rain, bitches cuz this is where it gets tricky. If and ONLY IF it rains, can you drink water. May the odds be ever in your favor, Catnip!

"It never rains in my house!"
"What I would do for some fking bread...or what I haven't done":*