Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Need to blog

My methods are my own, to understand first you must disregard everything you currently know. - Matt Chapman
I seem to have this fantasy that my life will unfold into this neat and creaseless reality. My life will be perfect and everything happens for a reason. My past and present converge to form a life I could have only dreamt of. But now, growing ever closer to graduation, reality is starting to show it's ugly little practical head. I've faced reality before. No big deal right? But something was different this time. In this case, uncertainty was lurking behind it. As you would expect a shadow to do. Turning the cheek would not suffice this time. Action needed to be preformed in order to form a base of control on the reaction.
I'm speaking of coarse about college/airforce life. I've talked with my parents. They are trying to give me the impression that they are OK with me joining the airforce. My mother seemed to be stunned, at first she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Then realizing that she didn't have a choice in the matter. So she made herself believe that it was a good idea. My dad on the other hand, I got a mixed reading.
I'm going Tuesday to the recruiter. My dad is worried that I won't know what to ask. He constantly keeps reminding me to remember what I want to ask. It seems like he is trying to persuade my opinion or something. If my dad puts off going with me again I will just go on my own. I don't give a fk. I haven't told my sisters yet because I will get annoyed with their responses. I will never tell my grandparents. They will only piss me off about it. My family wants me to be a doctor or something. My sister told me once " If you don't be a doctor like you want to be, you will be nothing to me. I want you to remember that" She has also told me " Your far to educated to be a translator. Don't waste your brain on something as trivial as language."
I want to be so many things it is unfair. I don't like the idea of having the same job for many years. The truth is that I will most likely never marry, never settle down, be like 27 when I lose my virginity, and never be content with what I have. I will always look back and say " I should have don't that just a little bit differently." I'm sure in time I will learn to accept this inevitable fate.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Roadside Stranger






Ap Government field trip tomorrow!! yay? I hope the judges don't remember my name. I haven't told my mother that I am going to her work tomorrow. Surprise! I'm ready to eat Ly buffet and listen to the old judges talk about the courthouse. I think they are drug testing at my mom' s work tomorrow so maybe I will see some interesting meth heads. They always seem to stare me down when I go to visit my mom. I've only stopped to say something to them once or twice. " Why are you looking at me?" Madison has said some pretty funny stuff to them before. haha "Why are you looking at me like I'm a fucking crack rock??" FREAKS!


I want to feel sorry for them, but I don't because they put themselves in the situation. I want to believe that they will all complete their 3 years of drugcourt and change. Sadly there has never been a 100% passing rate. Most of them will lie about using all of the time. I have seen it all before. They will straight lie to my mom. "OK then, if your clean then let's prove it with a test." FAIL


Tonight I went to walk the streets of Pascagoula with a friend. Yeah, I'm lame. After we walked for awhile we decide to go to I.G Levy park to walk around the track. We pull into the gate and start going over the first speed bump. These speed bumps are really high. The kind of speed bumps that you will tear your shit up if you don't drive really slow. As we are passing over the speed bump I see a dark figure reaching for the car. I FREAKED OUT and flew across the bump. I was looking at the man with my rear view mirror after he reached for the car. The scary thing was that my windows were down and he was wearing all black. He had a black Pancho looking thing with a knapsack of some kind on his back.

What the fuck was he thinking?? That I was just going to give him a ride? Why does my car scream " I'm giving free rides!!"

I'm officially excited about the Air Force now! I hope you can study abroad when you are enlisted. I haven't talked to a recruiter or anything. I really need to do that sometime. I hope I can go to boot camp or whatever this summer. I want to go out of the country as soon as possible. Africa would be cool. Spain or South America would be freaking sweet!!

Rethinking some friendships. I hate it when you have grown up with someone and you want to throw the friendship away, but you can't because you have invested too much time into it. You know everything about each other and it would be weird if you weren't friends. I can live knowing that someone knows that much about me and my family and we aren't friends. It is strange. Maybe all in need to do is get away for awhile and everything will work itself out.

I have decided that I'm going to get a capabara when I get back from the military. I have wanted one for the longest time and I WILL have one. They are really cool and I would love to have one that acts like a dog. Most of them are really sweet and dog like. :D I want one badLY









Saturday, April 17, 2010

English Project.

Sorry if this is choppy. I just don't care right now.
My English project was a fail. Making a book out of sticks and leaves was not the best idea.
Had fun this weekend doing the same old stuff I do every weekend. It's the little things like this that I'm going to miss.
Got pissed off over something stupid.
Finally put my foot down. I hope I crushed his little head.
It took me getting bit by a snake to learn a few life lessons.
I'll just touch on the main ones.
1. If you text your ''best friend'' and this happens, he is not you best friend.
I text him "I just got bit by a snake and i'm going to the E.R." He calls another friend to make plans for the weekend. He didn't know that the other friend was in the E.R. with me. FUCK YOU TOO.
2. I can be too nice. Trying to work on changing my personality. Sometimes I just shouldn't care.


I procrastinated yet again with my Ap Government work. -sigh-
Air force is a go. (booo) I hope I can study abroad.

My parents are slowly getting off my jock. ( Because " I'm condescending towards them" hah true. If you can't beat the retards, make them think they are winning.
Graduation is so close!!! I'm ready. I'm sure I will be sad.
I'm ready for our 20 year anniversary. Looking forward to seeing all the little hellions my class is sure to birth.
I hope I'm married by then, or at least financially stable. haha which ever comes first.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

"bit me like a snake"

Long story short. I got bit by a snake. I'm fine. Looking forward to graduation. 19 days left of school. The snake story is too long for my to type. I feel lazy tonight. I might actually go to bed before 12. Going to wear flip flops to school tomorrow!! I want to see if I can get away with it.

Had some really good laughs today because of the snake bite. Maybe that's why I didn't have to urge to kill it after it bit me. I did step on his head after all. I would have done the same thing.

I actually know my sisters boyfriend now. He's cool. seems like an OK kid in my book.

Need to call an airforce recruiter.
Need to pull up my grades.
Need to make join a group on facebook.
Need to make a group.
Need to tell my friends that I am glad I met all of them.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Past life.

Today it was brought to my attention that I remain secretive about my past. ha ha I don't really have and interesting past. lol Just a few good stories here and there. If you want to know just ask. I promise I will try not to beg vague :)
I broke my self goal 4 times today. :( Well 4 and a half. I corrected myself once.
I felt alive outside today. I couldn't resist watching them flip and stuff. haha I haven't played outside like that in a long time.
ps: one day I will be swole.
pss: my cousin is an ASSHOLE!
psss: I couldn't remember what I was going to explain to Khanh. Sorry I really don't remember.
pssss: Khanh CAN dance like a black girl. :) Prom was fun
Psssss: I need another word to describe my personality besides quirky. quirky = gay haha Thanks Paul

Monday, April 5, 2010

Light Pink Corsage

Just got done scrubbing the prom notes off my arm. ha [Thanks Erica]
My favorite prom quote of the day was "Look this rabbit is corsage pink." That really made my day. lol.
Tomorrow is the New Orleans field trip. I'm excited I guess. It has been a long time. My last time there I was in 5th grade. I have full intentions of having a good time. I really don't care much for the history portion. Prom is only a week away and I think I actually feel excited. I don't believe my outside is reflecting my inside though. ha Sorry.
For some strange reason I had an idea to join the military. I have no idea why. I hate everything dealing with the military. well.. I don't hate it. I just don't care for it.
"ok", "sure", and "I guess" have been included in my vocabulary recently. With school ending and everything, it is easier to pretend like I don't care. I don't know why I'm acting the way I am. Maybe I'm becoming my grandpa??? God I hope not.
I'm glad to hear that I wasn't the only one who didn't go to Easter mass. I could really care less about religion at this point in my life. I'm not one of those " I don't believe in what your teaching me" kinda people, but I've just given up on hope. Not in an emo way though. Hope isn't going to get me through my life. I am. Me pretending that my life will unfold the way I want is a fantasy and I'm aware. I feel sorry for the people who can't keep fantasy and reality separate.
I was a major douche to my sister last night and I should probably apologize. One of her friends died and I pretty much told her to get over it. All of you friends are going to die sooner or later, the death chain has to begin somewhere.
I know I've been acting like a douche and I'm sorry.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Pensacola Spring Broke

Let me start off and say Pensacola was a blast! I went to Pensacola on Thursday at 3am. I went with a group of really close friends. HAHA We are LAME. I had a really great time. Who goes to Pensacola? Who goes to Pensacola at 3 am?? We do!! ha. I could probably go into deep detail of our insane adventure and tell stories about the stupid things we did. (and will never do again) But I only wanted to talk about this kid who approached us at the beach. Some how we turned a hour and a half trip into an all day thing. We just arrived at the beach at 2:30 pm. We unloaded all of our supplies and they were looking for a place to change. I pretty much striped in the parking lot before we got there because I don't really care. So they leave to change and I'm keeping watch on our possessions. This kid came up to me and Tyler with a football in his hands asking if we wanted to play. I responded that we had been up for quite some time and I would ask them once they came back. I engaged in conversation with the kid because that's who I am I guess. I'm too tall and old to be raped or anything. So wth. He told me that his name was Jordan and he was from Wisconsin and his family was spending time in Pensacola for spring break. He told me he had family in Pensacola also. He was pretty cool. When they came back they shot his football idea down like a fighter plane. He turned and started walking away. I got his attention and told him that he could chill with us if he wanted. I said ok but left anyway. friend request denied. :( To make a long story short we're crazy and now broke. lol I will remember this spring break for the rest of my life.